When I was looking online for inspiration and found Margaret Fabrizio’s (Atree3 videos) The cover photo on the youtube video that caught my eye was of a sunburst/starburst.  That was the feeling that I wanted….A center and growth.  Pulling out from that center….I wanted a pattern to follow. 
As I watched and listened, I found someone speaking a language that I used to know.  
The familiarity of the unknown.  
The adventure of it all.
The mother tongue that I was born with. 
A way I know in my bones.  No way.
I found permission to NOT follow a pattern.  
Then I got excited.
Then I got scared.  Even scareder that I was when I was surfing for a pattern.
Then I remember all of my preaching of that damn Miles Davis quote…”Do not fear mistakes, there are none.”   
I have WORN it OUT!  I have sucked that one DRY!  EVEN used it as publicity for my work…..FORGIVE me Miles…….
All of those pieces of glass!  wobbling!  off center!  cracked!

And……what happened to that kind of creativity?  in me?  from the core?  that puts it out there regardless?  Of the crack, wobble, off centeredness?  I think what happened is TOO MANY SHOWS! Too many deadlines, competitions, galas.  Somewhere along the way it became turned inside out….the wrong sides together ended up on the inside.  OR WHATEVER!  
I started making things for the audience.  BECAUSE….I was DEPENDING on the audience.  And I think by me doing that almost slashed my main creative artery.  Or at least it has turned me off…..BIG TIME.  

My hot glass tools got really heavy and melty like a Dali.  My seamstress stuff got cold.  Frigid.  Iced.  

The first cut into the safe purple fabric that I bought with Julie in Santa Maria.
The first seam…that I now want to rip out!  
First branch of the tree of life

The threads that pull these pieces of material together…I parallel with thoughts of a tree of life or a branch at least budding out from…….kimono that Eileen gave me…..kimono from a bale that I bought at the garage sale where the lady let me pick the persimmons……silk from Suzanne…..and that safe purple filler material that I bought with Julie in Santa Maria.  The safe purple filler I bought when I started to transition a few years back.  I mean!  Come ON!  That store was filled with the most BITCHEN materials and I choose that safe purple filler(SPF)!  Well today, guess which was the material that I cut into first?  YEAH…..that SPF!  AND….O.K…..O.K….O.K…….I DID!

2 replies
  1. Christine Brennan
    Christine Brennan says:

    Envious of that this is finally underway. I seem to stuck in a non-art phase. No interest in being in the studio or making stuff and the pressure is building………(shows, deadlines etc.- all the stuff you are free of right now) enjoy it all. I am thinking of you and Joan and also wanted to thank you for that birthday card. Brought tears to my eyes and joy to my heart. (which is a cranky little heart lately so it sucked it right up). Love Chris

  2. Teal Rowe
    Teal Rowe says:

    Aww Chris,
    Hope your garden feels, looks, smells, tastes, & sounds great when you walk, look out, roll around in it.

    And as that pressure builds….here……I send you……1/2 a glass of fullness to relieve some of it…… so you can enjoy all of those Mainers! I’m missing seeing the Maine people…..tell them all helllllloooooooo! ….Jim too…..


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