The nebulous date of my brother’s death has been floating around as “sometime in the beginning of September” for a long time.
I can look back for years to the first hints of autumn and see indications of my unrest- ending of jobs, moving households, adrenaline hits of choice, as well as underlying depression- around this time of year. I read in my daily writing “deep, deep, something going on, don’t know what it is”. The scribble echoing concern, a disturbance that runs through many of my journal’s end of summer entries.
It comes and it goes, as do the unconscious gestures I’ve made in order keep this grief at arms length. Or to give it life- senseless expression out into the world, a relief from the tension, letting off steam.
Just this week a mystery was solved. September 1, 1966. The date of Danny’s death fished out of a file. The veil lifted unto the next clue in this process of life. In this process of untangling a death.
Mom’s story about my brother’s death So Young.
Astrology footnote: I celebrate as Saturn finishes strong this last degree of Scorpio- Thank you mom for digging into the death certificates regardless of my being “too eager about death”. The eclipse (11:41pm September 12, 2015) exact degree Danny’s rising – 20 Virgo. My natal rising being 19 Virgo and my mom’s natal moon at 18 Virgo(7th house) PLUS. This TedTalk reeks of what I see in the sky now. As astrology continues to bring to me an awareness of choice.
Thank you for reading.
We are all connected.