When I was looking online for inspiration and found Margaret Fabrizio’s (Atree3 videos) The cover photo on the youtube video that caught my eye was of a sunburst/starburst.  That was the feeling that I wanted….A center and growth.  Pulling out from that center….I wanted a pattern to follow. 
As I watched and listened, I found someone speaking a language that I used to know.  
The familiarity of the unknown.  
The adventure of it all.
The mother tongue that I was born with. 
A way I know in my bones.  No way.
I found permission to NOT follow a pattern.  
Then I got excited.
Then I got scared.  Even scareder that I was when I was surfing for a pattern.
Then I remember all of my preaching of that damn Miles Davis quote…”Do not fear mistakes, there are none.”   
I have WORN it OUT!  I have sucked that one DRY!  EVEN used it as publicity for my work…..FORGIVE me Miles…….
All of those pieces of glass!  wobbling!  off center!  cracked!

And……what happened to that kind of creativity?  in me?  from the core?  that puts it out there regardless?  Of the crack, wobble, off centeredness?  I think what happened is TOO MANY SHOWS! Too many deadlines, competitions, galas.  Somewhere along the way it became turned inside out….the wrong sides together ended up on the inside.  OR WHATEVER!  
I started making things for the audience.  BECAUSE….I was DEPENDING on the audience.  And I think by me doing that almost slashed my main creative artery.  Or at least it has turned me off…..BIG TIME.  

My hot glass tools got really heavy and melty like a Dali.  My seamstress stuff got cold.  Frigid.  Iced.  

The first cut into the safe purple fabric that I bought with Julie in Santa Maria.
The first seam…that I now want to rip out!  
First branch of the tree of life

The threads that pull these pieces of material together…I parallel with thoughts of a tree of life or a branch at least budding out from…….kimono that Eileen gave me…..kimono from a bale that I bought at the garage sale where the lady let me pick the persimmons……silk from Suzanne…..and that safe purple filler material that I bought with Julie in Santa Maria.  The safe purple filler I bought when I started to transition a few years back.  I mean!  Come ON!  That store was filled with the most BITCHEN materials and I choose that safe purple filler(SPF)!  Well today, guess which was the material that I cut into first?  YEAH…..that SPF!  AND….O.K…..O.K….O.K…….I DID!


This is the last quilt I made (2009).  Austin gave me the silk from Thailand.  Years later, in Italy, I got the velvet samples from Etro. And, as usual, some shim shimmery that caught my eye.  

Above is the quilt that I am making now.  In what looks like a pile of fabric, I see a finished piece of art!   These materials from Italy,  batik & tie die from grandma, cast off from friends, and the thrift store, have been staring me in the eye every morning I wake.
Sometimes getting cracking isn’t the key.  Obviously.  My vision keeps changing.  And I am letting it change.  Before I cut.  I am so glad that I am taking this time.  This time has allowed me to realize that  I am not interested in the patterns anymore.  And going for the gusto without a pattern can be a bit scary.  Hence the fabric’s continual glare at me.

A different pile of fabric and a different quilt.  Maybe not.  I may marry all the materials together into one.  

My original idea is a memorial quilt to my Uncle Mark.  Whose body is buried in a Guatemalan cemetery above the village of San Marcos, Lago de Atitlan, Guatemala.  If a “memorial” quilt doesn’t load up the fear in me to start, I don’t know what does!  Many of these fabrics are hand died and woven by Mark’s wife Kathe who is a Kachekel woman from San Marcos.   

Also, Babushka scarfs my mom gave me from the Ukraine hold a sentimental pull.  A pull that says “keep me piled in the closet”, “don’t cut me up”……A pile that I cleaned out of my grandma‘s house…..unused, waiting….for me to distribute.

I don’t want a pile of beautiful fabrics in my closet.  I want a quilt to spread out and let the cats scratch up and spill stuff on.  So, guess what that means?  

Make the cut!  Sew the quilt!  Get some cats!  Spill some stuff!

P.S.  my inspiration for this entry is Margaret Fabrizio.  Yesterday, while I was surfing for quilt inspiration I found her youtube entries, atree3, highly recommended….not just about quilts, about LIFE!